A series of Christian based letters to my Grandgirls entitled, Nana’s Love Notes
Good Morning Girlies,
In this post, I’m opening a piece of my heart to you. It is a piece that I tucked away in the recesses of my mind. Today, the Lord brought it to a conscious level so I could remember a small yet significant piece of all He has done for me.
I grew up in a family where affection was not given. I never felt loved as a child. My parent’s had so many problems and their problems were the focus in our home. Heated arguments were ‘normal’ and they took place on a daily basis.
At night, as I tried desperately to sleep, I could not. Instead, I was captive to hateful words, accusations, and drunken banter
Many times I would intervene by pulling my little Mother out of the room as my Dad screamed, “Get her out of here!”
I have no memories of feeling special. I did not receive hugs, kisses or words of affirmation. I wondered what was wrong with me.
During our dating years, God used Papa to help me see it wasn’t me, it was my parent’s who failed to care for me.
A huge weight lifted when I realized It wasn’t me it was them
When the Father reached out to save me, I was only 15 years old. I was lost and so alone. My life was changed the moment I received the message of salvation. I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and the deepest joy I had ever known. When I heard about Jesus sacrifice, it blew my mind that He would actually give up His life so I could live eternally. “Greater love has no man than this; that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
I had never in my life, known such love
In the Church I attended, as a young believer, the people were wonderfully warm and God fearing. They took me in and tried to love me. I was prickly. I did not know how to receive hugs. I bet you find that hard to believe ;). I did not feel worthy of a hug. When someone wrapped their arms around me, my body stiffened, I could not relax to receive their embrace.
I did not feel worthy of a hug
God healed those wounds. It took time but bit by bit, His love was poured into my ‘love cup’ and it overflowed. Do you see how miraculous it is that today I receive and give hugs freely?
Since you all were tiny, I talked to you about your love cup. When you were sad, or angry or out of sorts, I asked you if you needed your love cup filled. You all delighted in those words and eagerly opened your arms to receive a hug from Nana.
Kristin told me that she actually thought she had a coffee cup in her heart that I filled up when she needed love
Do you girls ever think about how BLESSED you are? As I watch you, I revel in the love you have for each other. I have soaked in all of the treasured memories of you, growing up, hugging each other and delighting in time spent together as cousins. To this day, the first thing our family does when we see each other is to exchange enthusiastic hugs.
I share this with you to give you just a peek at what God has done in my life and how much He has blessed me through all of YOU!
Thank God for the love of family, girls. Never take it for granted. Remember there are children everywhere who do not feel loved and have no one to hug them.
Spread the gift of being cherished by your family. Thank God, and know that you are deeply loved.
because I love you,
As for the rest of the story … both of my parents came to know Christ. Our relationship was reconciled. They are in Heaven now, enjoying God’s love like we’ve never experienced it. I can’t wait to see them again.