Don’t Marry a Fixer-Upper

A series of Christian based letters to my Grandgirls, entitled, Nana’s Love Notes

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Hi Girlies,

Thinking of you this morning and going back to a Lovenote I wrote you in 2016. You are all at a different place in your lives and these words will apply in a different way now. So, I’ve done a dusting up and clarifying work on this message from my heart to yours. 😉

These words are important – so very important.

The second most important decision you will ever make is choosing your life partner.

I want to urge you, “never choose a fixer-upper.” Through the years of counseling young women with stars in their eyes, I have witnessed such disappointment and utter despair when she realizes, she can’t change the guy she chose.  I don’t know what it is about us girls, but before marriage most of us think we will change our man.  There is no such thing as fixing a man after you marry him, it just never happens.

What you see is what you get.

Some of you are currently in a committed relationship. Know that this is an opportunity to study your potential life partner.

It’s so important to blow the fairy dust out of your eyes and be really honest when you look at that young man your heart is attached to.

Be brutally honest about his character. Do you have concerns?

Are their RED FLAGS?

Is he more interested in hanging with the guys than hanging with you? This does not mean he should never hang with guy friends, especially if his guy friends pour into his life and make him a better man. What I am referring to is a young man who’d rather be out with the boys than spend time with you.

Take Note:  He’s not changing!

Is he a silent knight?  One who doesn’t talk to you about what’s going on in his head? Are you left feeling alone in your heart?

Take Note: He’s not changing

Does he include you in his dreams for the future?  If no,

Take Note: He’s not changing

Does he build you up in the area’s God has gifted you? If no,

Take Note: He’s not changing

Is he appreciate of your efforts to please him? If not,

Take Note: He’s not changing

Do you see the love of God in him? Does he share his walk with the Lord or initiate devotions with you?  If not,

Take Note: He’s not changing

Does he love kids like you do? Do you picture him as a Father who will invest his heart in his children?

Take Note: He’s not changing

My sweet girls, Seek God with all of your heart, He wants you to have a the BEST when it comes to a marriage partner. He wants that partnership to reflect the Love of God.

  • Look for a young man who is strong in the Lord
  • Choose a guy you respect
  • Look for a guy who’s admired by others for his character.
  • Choose a guy who is a leader, someone you would be eager to follow.
  • Look for a guy who only has eyes for you – A ‘one woman man.’

A young man who loves the Lord will take responsibility for you, your spiritual growth, emotional health, and physical protection. I am not saying he will meet all your needs. I am not saying he is super-human and can read your mind. He is human, just like you, but he will seek to lead you.

The only one who can meet all your needs is God, you must be careful not to put him in place of God. Cultivate your relationship with God through reading His love letter to you.  He deserves first place in our lives and when we honor Him, He meets all of our needs.

As you know, I’ve been a Pastor’s wife most of my life.  I’ve heard heartbreaking stories from many unhappily married women. These women married guys they thought were handsome, fun, or smart.  They ignored warning signs thinking, I’ll fix him.

The most important quality to look for in a young man is His love for God.  Does he love God with all of his heart soul and mind?  There’s a whole lot of sadness to the one who realizes, “I married a guy who does not love God like I do.”

Girls, pray and ask Jesus to open your eyes to see HIS choice.  Never, ever, ever settle!

Also

Know, that if you want to find a godly guy,

You must be a godly girl

Only a girl with depth, wisdom, and love for God will draw and attract a godly guy.  Spend time with Jesus, Seek to know Him through His word.  Seek Wisdom, like searching for gold, and God will give it to you. Plug into opportunities to grow with other believers.

You are not prepared for a union until you are singularly whole

Two people who are united in Christ are POWERFUL, fulfilled and stable!  Not perfect, mind you, but God grows them to be more like Him.

God is the glue that keeps them together

You have NO idea how much you are loved.  Your Abba Father longs to pour His blessings into your lives!  His ways are not our ways… He see’s what we do not. Go to Him my girls and find in Him everything you will ever need.  xoxo

because I love you,

Nana

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