How to find a Good Man, Personality Traits Vs. Character

 Christian based letters to my Grandgirls 

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Hi Girlies,  It’s been a busy season.  A season filled with family time, birthdays and lots of fun!  I so enjoyed being with you and celebrating the JOY we experience because we serve Jesus.

Today I want to share an article I just read by one of my favorite Christian writers, Henry Cloud. I’ve highlighted some of his awesome comments in this post. As you read this article, make sure you look not only at the person you are dating or want to date.  Open your eyes, test your own heart.  Do you see the character qualities needed to sustain a long-term relationship?

Henry’s words are pure gold girlies.  You’ll need to click on the link below to read more.

“Most people who date are looking for preferences rather than character. I hear people say, I want someone who’s witty. I want someone who likes to hike. I want someone who is ambitious in their career. I want someone who is good looking. I want someone who reads a lot. I want someone who is physically strong. These preferences are superficial and will not hold a couple together.

The things that cause relationships to end are things like

  • being a bad listener
  • Having unrealistic expectations
  • Irresponsible spending
  • Lack of emotional identification
  • Inability to just be real
  • Temper flare-ups
  • Perfectionism
  • Tendencies toward controlling behavior

We often rationalize these character flaws as personality quirks even though they are red flags.  When you contrast that with the comparatively lightweight nature of the criteria that we select people by — the kind of superficial traits that comprise our tastes — it starts to seem like dangerously shortsighted behavior.

What good is a witty person who can’t make you feel safe?

What good is an ambitious, career-driven person if they can’t be real with you?

What good is a person who reads a lot but doesn’t hear a word you say?

What good is a handsome or beautiful person if they are conceited, self-centered or blow up every time they don’t get their way?

Are your concrete, but ultimately superficial preferences preventing you from dating someone who could be great for you?

You will save yourself a whole lot of heartache if you consider the kinds of things you’re NOT looking for with the same weight of the things you find attractive.

Above all girls, pray that God opens your eyes to the man He has for you.  A man filled with character with a passion for God.

To read the rest of Henry Cloud’s wise words, go to his article entitled:

The Difference Between What You Want And What You Think You Want In Dating